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You know I am getting quite a charge out of this exercise and love it to death. So much fun I can hardly stand it.
Having said that I believe I can tell the following joke without offending anyone. If you are someone that doesn't like sarcastic humor please read the newspaper or something else.
The following is intended to be inoffensive humor but does relate to the concept of the "FREE BOAT."
It seems the best social club in the valley was the Middle Town Rifl Club. . The club house had been constructed with the dues and contributions of many generations of members and was really quite beautiful reflecting the local heritage and history.
William "Tennessee" Jones was a recent arrival in Middle Town. He had taken a job as a mining engineer at the local open pit mine and his fellow employees had informed him about the Rifl Club. The mine's Chief Engineer, who was also the club's membership chairman had taken Bill to the club on meeting night. While Bill was shown the restaurant, Library, other facilities at the club he was not allowed to see the inner sanctum which only full members could enter. When he stood out side the big oak door, he could hear raucous laughter and stories being told. That sounded wonderful and he soon had paid his dues and signed the papers as a prospective member.
He was then invited to attend the prospective member’s orientation the following week. Given by one of the clubs senior members the orientation included discussions of the initiation process, the duties of new members and a little on the history of the club.
Bill was assigned to one of the gunsmiths to have his black powder rifle built as a prerequisite to membership in the club.
Chapter 2
Bill was a technical man and carefully read the relevant information on Rifles contained in the extensive club library. He made a list of the most desirable features including exotic woods, barrel length and twist, trigger and lock designs.
He then attempted to call the gunsmith but found he had no phone as his cabin was located too far up deception canyon to allow phone wires to be installed. He therefore had to walk a narrow and steep trail to get to the cabin. The old gunsmith told him that the rifle would cost $300 which Bill thought was relatively cheap, almost free compared to some of the examples he seen in gun shops. Bill and the gunsmith discussed the details that Bill wanted on his rifle and Bill was pleased that the gunsmith carefully listened to his words, but was concerned that the gunsmith took no notes. Bill therefore agreed to the price, but was told it would be more and that Bill was required to bring a case of whiskey on his next visit. Bill didn't think this was too bad and agreed to the terms. The contract for "1 Rifl Gun" was therefore signed and duly executed.
Chapter 3
Bill returned at the end of the month with a case of whiskey, and brought it into the shop located at the end of the trail. In the shop there were various parts and pieces of rifles under construction but at the back were several recycling bins full of several hundred empty whiskey bottles and the forge was cold, but there were many chips piled around the draw bench.
The gunsmith told bill to return in a month with a case of whiskey and the final payment.
Bill then went back to the club, but was still not admitted to the inner sanctum. The senior member in charge of new members told Bill that his membership application would be finalized as soon as he had his rifle. After the weekly meeting finished, the members filed out of the inner sanctum. Many knew Bill from the mine and warmly welcomed him as a prospective member. The members were laughing and patting each other on the back as they passed Bill. Many of them while not shooters and hunters enjoyed the fellowship and camaraderie of the club. Each man though did have a rifle.
Chapter 4
So at the end of the month, we find Bill once again lugging a case of Whiskey up to the Gun shop for the Gunsmith. The maker was there in his shop, hard at work on a rifle. The Gunsmith saw Bill and had a funny look on his face. He stiffened up and staggered over to Bill and handed him the rifle.
Bill was not a happy camper to say the least. The rifle while certainly serviceable still needed a lot of work and the finish was very rough. The smith had obviously spent a lot of time on the barrel and action, but the stock needed a lot of work to bring it to Bill's high standard and Bill let him know in no uncertain terms. Now Bill needed a rifle and the gunsmith being an honorable if somewhat inebriated individual offered to settle for half price. Bill with little choice took the deal. Bill's current thinking was the words that he would have for the club, and it wouldn't be pretty.
Following the Monday morning 0700 staff meeting (Bill thought it was scheduled then to be sure that everyone remembered how to get up after the weekend.), the chief engineer intercepted Bill and asked him how it was going. After a couple of sentences from Bill, his boss suggested that he hold his comments until the meeting.
Chapter 5 The Club Meeting.
Rifle in hand Bill was escorted by the membership chairman to the big oak door leading to the inner chamber. As he had been instructed, Bill knocked three times on the door, which slowly opened. The lights were very low in there and it took a while for Bill's eyes to adjust. He was escorted by the Chairman to the head of a very large table where the podium was located. The Chairman pressed a button located near the podium and the lights behind them went up. The curtain there slid back revealing a large number of rifles on a huge rifle rack. Bill was instructed to place his rifle in position which was empty number 28, recently left vacant by a retiring member.
Bill was then formally introduced to the membership to great applause. He was escorted to a chair on the big table which had the same number as his slot in the rifle rack and had a new gold plated name plate with his name on it. Then, following the committee chairman's reports and the reading and approval of the minutes of the last meeting, etc. the regular business was club got underway. Several members gave reports on the progress of their rifles. The highly polished reports were filled with humor and adventure. Laughter and applause followed each one.
Bill noted that several of the rifles were even worse than his (real hack jobs) while most were indications of much expenditure of treasure and personal effort on the part of their owners. All had plans to continue work on them and take them hunting as well. A report was also given about pending excursions are being organized by the club to various regional hunting or target shooting sites. Membership then reviewed the calendar for the next season giving unanimous approval to it. The membership committee's report was interesting in that one nominated person was a women who was a retired member of the AMU (Army Marksmanship Unit) and was willing to instruct the various members desiring such. Some put forward that her Gunsmith should be selected with particular care!
Chapter 6 The Shop.
Following the meeting, most of the members headed home. A few though grabbed their rifles and headed to the back of the inner room to the door there. Bill naturally followed. Through the door the club shop was located. There were four work areas, and each was stocked with hand tools made in the Sheffield area of England. Tyzak saws, Chisels by Ridgway and Sorbey, planes and screw drivers by Footprint. All maintained razor sharp by the local saw shop.
Bill learned that before he could use the shop he needed instruction on the proper use and maintenance of tools and analysis of grain structure of woods.
to be continued....
Having said that I believe I can tell the following joke without offending anyone. If you are someone that doesn't like sarcastic humor please read the newspaper or something else.
The following is intended to be inoffensive humor but does relate to the concept of the "FREE BOAT."
It seems the best social club in the valley was the Middle Town Rifl Club. . The club house had been constructed with the dues and contributions of many generations of members and was really quite beautiful reflecting the local heritage and history.
William "Tennessee" Jones was a recent arrival in Middle Town. He had taken a job as a mining engineer at the local open pit mine and his fellow employees had informed him about the Rifl Club. The mine's Chief Engineer, who was also the club's membership chairman had taken Bill to the club on meeting night. While Bill was shown the restaurant, Library, other facilities at the club he was not allowed to see the inner sanctum which only full members could enter. When he stood out side the big oak door, he could hear raucous laughter and stories being told. That sounded wonderful and he soon had paid his dues and signed the papers as a prospective member.
He was then invited to attend the prospective member’s orientation the following week. Given by one of the clubs senior members the orientation included discussions of the initiation process, the duties of new members and a little on the history of the club.
Bill was assigned to one of the gunsmiths to have his black powder rifle built as a prerequisite to membership in the club.
Chapter 2
Bill was a technical man and carefully read the relevant information on Rifles contained in the extensive club library. He made a list of the most desirable features including exotic woods, barrel length and twist, trigger and lock designs.
He then attempted to call the gunsmith but found he had no phone as his cabin was located too far up deception canyon to allow phone wires to be installed. He therefore had to walk a narrow and steep trail to get to the cabin. The old gunsmith told him that the rifle would cost $300 which Bill thought was relatively cheap, almost free compared to some of the examples he seen in gun shops. Bill and the gunsmith discussed the details that Bill wanted on his rifle and Bill was pleased that the gunsmith carefully listened to his words, but was concerned that the gunsmith took no notes. Bill therefore agreed to the price, but was told it would be more and that Bill was required to bring a case of whiskey on his next visit. Bill didn't think this was too bad and agreed to the terms. The contract for "1 Rifl Gun" was therefore signed and duly executed.
Chapter 3
Bill returned at the end of the month with a case of whiskey, and brought it into the shop located at the end of the trail. In the shop there were various parts and pieces of rifles under construction but at the back were several recycling bins full of several hundred empty whiskey bottles and the forge was cold, but there were many chips piled around the draw bench.
The gunsmith told bill to return in a month with a case of whiskey and the final payment.
Bill then went back to the club, but was still not admitted to the inner sanctum. The senior member in charge of new members told Bill that his membership application would be finalized as soon as he had his rifle. After the weekly meeting finished, the members filed out of the inner sanctum. Many knew Bill from the mine and warmly welcomed him as a prospective member. The members were laughing and patting each other on the back as they passed Bill. Many of them while not shooters and hunters enjoyed the fellowship and camaraderie of the club. Each man though did have a rifle.
Chapter 4
So at the end of the month, we find Bill once again lugging a case of Whiskey up to the Gun shop for the Gunsmith. The maker was there in his shop, hard at work on a rifle. The Gunsmith saw Bill and had a funny look on his face. He stiffened up and staggered over to Bill and handed him the rifle.
Bill was not a happy camper to say the least. The rifle while certainly serviceable still needed a lot of work and the finish was very rough. The smith had obviously spent a lot of time on the barrel and action, but the stock needed a lot of work to bring it to Bill's high standard and Bill let him know in no uncertain terms. Now Bill needed a rifle and the gunsmith being an honorable if somewhat inebriated individual offered to settle for half price. Bill with little choice took the deal. Bill's current thinking was the words that he would have for the club, and it wouldn't be pretty.
Following the Monday morning 0700 staff meeting (Bill thought it was scheduled then to be sure that everyone remembered how to get up after the weekend.), the chief engineer intercepted Bill and asked him how it was going. After a couple of sentences from Bill, his boss suggested that he hold his comments until the meeting.
Chapter 5 The Club Meeting.
Rifle in hand Bill was escorted by the membership chairman to the big oak door leading to the inner chamber. As he had been instructed, Bill knocked three times on the door, which slowly opened. The lights were very low in there and it took a while for Bill's eyes to adjust. He was escorted by the Chairman to the head of a very large table where the podium was located. The Chairman pressed a button located near the podium and the lights behind them went up. The curtain there slid back revealing a large number of rifles on a huge rifle rack. Bill was instructed to place his rifle in position which was empty number 28, recently left vacant by a retiring member.
Bill was then formally introduced to the membership to great applause. He was escorted to a chair on the big table which had the same number as his slot in the rifle rack and had a new gold plated name plate with his name on it. Then, following the committee chairman's reports and the reading and approval of the minutes of the last meeting, etc. the regular business was club got underway. Several members gave reports on the progress of their rifles. The highly polished reports were filled with humor and adventure. Laughter and applause followed each one.
Bill noted that several of the rifles were even worse than his (real hack jobs) while most were indications of much expenditure of treasure and personal effort on the part of their owners. All had plans to continue work on them and take them hunting as well. A report was also given about pending excursions are being organized by the club to various regional hunting or target shooting sites. Membership then reviewed the calendar for the next season giving unanimous approval to it. The membership committee's report was interesting in that one nominated person was a women who was a retired member of the AMU (Army Marksmanship Unit) and was willing to instruct the various members desiring such. Some put forward that her Gunsmith should be selected with particular care!
Chapter 6 The Shop.
Following the meeting, most of the members headed home. A few though grabbed their rifles and headed to the back of the inner room to the door there. Bill naturally followed. Through the door the club shop was located. There were four work areas, and each was stocked with hand tools made in the Sheffield area of England. Tyzak saws, Chisels by Ridgway and Sorbey, planes and screw drivers by Footprint. All maintained razor sharp by the local saw shop.
Bill learned that before he could use the shop he needed instruction on the proper use and maintenance of tools and analysis of grain structure of woods.
to be continued....
